Blah

Its my first year of college.

Its really my third year, but it feels like my first. This is my real beginning, after 2 years thrown to the wind. I don't know what I've been doing with myself. I've been making myself comfortably numb from the world since last October, and let my mind go dull. Now that it is time to start thinking again, I don't know if I have what it takes. My 4.0 is on the line. But fuck it :) The only classes I'm taking is Piano (easy A) and Beggining Weight Training (I had to take a Phys. Ed. class.) If things keep going right, I'll be eligable for a scholarship worth a full ride at SMU! Whatever. School will work its self out the way it needs to, as it always has. I'm lucky in the respect that I never had to worry about that

The real issue I've been dealing with is all of my self-induced girl drama that I have found myself making. Temptation is all around me, ability is within me, laziness and the id control me. I worry about why I don't have a girlfriend, and I think I'm a loser because of it, when I should know perfectly well that that is not what makes me a loser. (its playing Super Mario II for 5 hours straight trying to beat it that makes me a loser.) I've just had a hard time realizing that I really shouldn't worry about such things, for they are all ethereal, and don't really matter.Any girls that I could even think of being interested in right now are too smart to get involved with my emotional baggage, which I don't blame. In fact, I've found myself pushing people out of my life for the sake of keeping them free of my emotional baggage. But eh? what can one black man do? I just have to live my life and....I dunno....do shit.

MAMA oooooooooOOOOOooooooo

didn't mean to make you cry

and if i don't come back this time tomorrow

carry on! carry on!

'cause nothing really matters....